Dark Spaces Read online

  ‘I don’t have any preconceptions,’ she said.

  Piper laughed and wagged a finger at her. ‘So what did Sheba tell you about Lydia?’ he asked.

  ‘Not too much. She got nicked for stealing a car and driving under the influence,’ said Lilly. ‘And she was exhibiting symptoms of mental illness.’

  Piper nodded. They had reached the end of the corridor and he began to tap in a code to open the next door, the pad of his finger met by a sharp bleep.

  ‘What do you think?’ Lilly asked.

  The door lock released and he held it open for her. ‘I haven’t had a chance to spend too much time with Lydia yet, but I’d say Sheba is spot on. She usually is.’

  ‘What’s your diagnosis?’

  ‘Too early to say. But there’s a hell of a lot going on,’ he said.

  ‘What sort of thing?’

  ‘She switches between being very angry and destructive to being indiscriminately affectionate. She’s very manipulative and tells whopping lies. But she’s also brutally honest about some things, inappropriately so.’

  ‘Do you think she’ll respond to treatment?’ Lilly asked.

  He stopped at yet another door, his fingers on the handle. ‘Why don’t you meet her and tell me what you think?’

  When he opened the door a gush of hot air hit Lilly. Like being blasted by a hairdryer. Lilly felt sweat prickle in her armpits.

  ‘Lydia hates to be cold,’ said Piper.

  Lilly entered the room and clawed at her collar. In the far corner was a girl. She was tiny, almost birdlike. Her bare arms shockingly snappable. She didn’t look at them, instead she kept her gaze fixed on the wall.

  ‘Lydia, this is Miss Valentine, a solicitor Sheba arranged to visit you,’ said Piper.

  ‘What happened to the fuckwit that came to the police station?’ The girl’s accent was cut glass, the voice clear.

  ‘We thought you needed a specialist,’ said Piper.

  She kept her eyes firmly on the wall. ‘Do my parents know?’

  ‘Not yet,’ said Piper.

  A smile spread across the girl’s face and she hooted with laughter, rocking back and forth until she broke down into a hacking cough. At last she looked at Lilly. The right side of her face was bathed in yellow, the remnants of a huge bruise fading into the skin.

  ‘My parents are going to be fucking furious.’

  ‘I’m a big girl now,’ said Lilly.

  Lydia stopped laughing and stared. ‘They don’t like being told what to do.’

  ‘Nobody does,’ Lilly replied, dropped her bag on the table and sat down.

  ‘Right then,’ said Piper. ‘I’ll leave you to it. Shout if you need anything, Miss Valentine.’

  His eyes flicked to the panic strip running the length of the room. One touch and the cavalry would come running. Lilly gave a tight nod and he left.

  ‘I need to ask you some questions about the night you were arrested,’ said Lilly, taking out paper and pen.

  ‘Not much to tell. It was a crap party.’ Lydia yawned without covering her mouth and ambled to the table. She slid into the chair as if she were liquid.

  ‘What did you do?’ Lilly asked.

  ‘Nothing.’ Lydia bent forward and put her forehead on the table.

  ‘You must have done something,’ said Lilly.

  ‘Just the usual stuff.’

  ‘And what is the usual stuff?’

  Lydia tapped her head gently against the wood. ‘Drank a bit, danced a bit. You know how it goes. Oh and I sucked some boy’s cock. I can’t remember his name.’

  Lilly gulped.

  ‘He wanted to fuck me but I wouldn’t let him. Later on I felt sorry for him so I gave him a blow job. He got a bit pissed off though because I wouldn’t swallow.’ Lydia looked up at Lilly. ‘There isn’t any pleasing some people.’

  Lilly didn’t respond but kept eye contact with her client. The girl wasn’t smirking and her eyes were wide.

  ‘I don’t like the taste of spunk. Do you?’

  Lilly didn’t blink. ‘How much did you drink?’

  Lydia sat up in one long movement, like a cat. She took a deep breath and exhaled it to the ceiling.

  ‘Did this boy give you the alcohol?’ Lilly asked.

  A smile broke across Lydia’s face like a gash. ‘I can almost hear your brain going into action like the good little lawyer that you are.’ She leaned over and tapped Lilly’s temple. ‘Tick tock, tick tock. Did the nasty boy get Lydia drunk and force himself on her? Is this mess his fault?’

  ‘Well, is it?’

  ‘Sadly not. I was pretty sober when I did him. I found the vodka later.’

  ‘Where did you find it?’ Lilly asked.

  Lydia sniffed and wiped her hand across her nose. ‘In a cup-board. The parents had obviously stashed it there out of the way of the kiddies.’

  ‘So you took it?’

  ‘Oh yeah.’ Lydia inspected the shiny streak of mucous on the back of her hand and Lilly tried not to gag. ‘I drank about half of it and decided to go home. It really was a crap party.’

  ‘And you stole the Mercedes?’

  ‘I wasn’t going to keep it.’ Lydia was affronted. ‘I mean, we’ve got better cars than that at home.’

  ‘But you didn’t have permission to take it?’

  Lydia giggled. It was a high-pitched and girly sound. ‘Obviously not. I mean I was as pissed as a fart and I don’t have a licence.’

  ‘Why did you do it?’

  ‘I was bored.’ Lydia elongated the last word in a tortuous whine. ‘Just like I’m bored now. Can we go get a drink or something?’

  Lilly looked around her. Were they allowed to just leave the room?

  ‘This isn’t a fucking prison,’ said Lydia. ‘I’m not under house arrest.’

  With that, she went for the door and disappeared outside. Lilly bundled her things back into her bag and hurried after Lydia. From behind, the girl seemed skeletal, skinny jeans accentuating the lack of flesh on her bones, shoulder blades protruding around the straps of her vest. She seemed to walk with a slight limp, as if she were throwing one of her tiny hips to the side.

  When she got to the door she wanted, she was greeted by a chorus of shouts. Lilly followed her into what could have been a school common room. Teenagers sat around chatting and drinking cans of Coke. One girl was painting another’s toenails a lurid green. In the corner, two boys were playing pool, teasing one another after each shot. They might have been any normal kids but for the ladder of cuts and scars tracing the inside of their arms.

  From the far side a girl let out a shriek and waved. She was enormously overweight, folds of skin and fat sitting one on top of the other as though she were encased in a pile of tyres.

  ‘Lydia,’ she screeched again.

  Lydia leaned in to Lilly. ‘That’s Chloe. She’s completely off her rocker.’

  The girl bounced over to them sweating and panting. ‘Where’ve you been?’ she stuttered.

  ‘I told you, I had to see my solicitor,’ Lydia answered.

  ‘Is this her?’ Chloe’s eyes moved wildly between her friend and Lilly. ‘Is this the one?’

  Lydia rolled her eyes. ‘Yes, Chloe, this is the one.’

  ‘Is she going to help?’ Chloe struggled to catch her breath and batted away a trickle of perspiration running from her hairline to her cheek.

  Lydia put a hand on her shoulder. ‘For fuck’s sake, calm down. Let me fetch you a drink.’ Then she moved towards a fridge and began to rummage through the contents.

  With her friend gone, Chloe stepped towards Lilly, a wave of body odour radiating from her.

  ‘Are you going to help?’ Chloe whispered, the words strangulated in her throat.

  ‘I’m going to try,’ Lilly replied.

  ‘Thank you.’ The girl’s eyes glittered with tears. ‘Thank you so much.’

  Then she pulled at the elasticated waist of her trousers and thrust her hand down the gap, extracting a piece of paper
.

  ‘Take it,’ Chloe hissed.

  Lilly was horrified, but the girl pressed it into her hand. It felt hot and moist and Lilly had to check the urge to retch. Then without another word Chloe ran to her friend and whispered something into her ear.

  Gem stands outside Ali’s house waiting for someone to answer the door. On the street outside two dogs are humping. Gem looks away, her breath white in the cold.

  When she was little, she used to pretend she was smoking. She’d go outside with her friend Adrianna, and they’d stand there with their fingers apart, sucking on their pretend fags, laughing their heads off before Adrianna’s mum would call them in for something to eat.

  ‘You want sandwich, Gem?’ she always asked.

  ‘Only if you’re making some,’ Gem would reply.

  ‘Of course,’ Adrianna’s mum would say. ‘I was just about to make it for myself.’

  Same every time, which were a bit daft, ’cos Gem always wanted a sandwich and Adrianna’s mum knew she did. But it were like a little game they played so as Gem wouldn’t feel embarrassed or nothing.

  Gem don’t see Adrianna no more. Her nan got sick and they had to go home to Poland to look after her. Gem used to wonder when they’d be coming back, but now she knows they ain’t. Who’d want to come back to this shithole?

  At last the door is opened by Herika. She’s wearing a turquoise scarf on her head that looks like it’s made out of that really soft wool. Gem wishes she could touch it. Course she don’t do it, ’cos that would be well weird.

  ‘Is Ali in?’ she asks.

  Herika shakes her head.

  ‘Shit.’ Gem really needs to get some clean nappies for Tyler. ‘Do you know when he’ll be back?’

  ‘Long time,’ says Herika.

  Gem pulls her coat around her. She’s going to have to go over to Fred’s. When she looked at Tyler’s bum this morning there was fresh blood.

  ‘Sorry,’ says Herika.

  Gem’s shoulders sag. Why does it always have to be this way? She turns to leave, a flake of snow landing on her nose.

  ‘Wait.’

  Gem looks back round at Herika who is still in the doorway. The woman holds up a hand to her. ‘Stay.’ Then she disappears inside. In a couple of minutes she returns with a ten pound note and holds it out to Gem who fishes in her pocket for the razor blades she’s come to sell. Herika ain’t normally allowed to do any business without Ali but Gem ain’t about to argue is she?

  Herika waves away the packets of Gillette and Gem doesn’t understand.

  ‘For baby,’ says Herika, pushing the tenner at Gem.

  Gem don’t need to be asked twice and grabs the money.

  ‘Thank you,’ she says.

  The snow is coming down harder now, sticking in her eyelashes, making her blink.

  ‘Take.’ Herika holds out a crumpled brown envelope towards Gem. It’s the sort that bills come in and make Mum cry. ‘Take.’

  Gem ain’t sure what to do. Money’s one thing, but what’s this?

  ‘Take.’ Herika makes it clear she ain’t asking and Gem does as she’s told.

  When she looks, there are some numbers scribbled on it in red biro. It looks like it could be a phone number.

  ‘For help,’ says Herika and closes the door.

  Gem’s fingers are starting to sting so she pushes them deep into her pockets, the tenner in one hand, the envelope in the other.

  The snow was big and weightless, huge feathers tumbling from the sky.

  Jack pushed Alice’s furry hat down over her pink ears but he was fighting a losing battle against the curls which twanged ever upwards. She had Lilly’s hair for sure.

  ‘What do think of this then?’ He rolled a snowball and threw it against a tree.

  Alice gurgled.

  ‘Will we build a snowman?’ he asked. ‘A huge guy with a carrot for a nose?’

  Kate soon joined them, stamping her feet and rubbing her hands together. ‘It’s brass monkeys out here,’ she said.

  ‘Och, you southerners. You’ve thin blood.’

  ‘Whereas you lot from over the water are made of sterner stuff, I suppose?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ said Jack.

  ‘We’ll soon see about that.’ Before he knew what she was up to, Kate scooped up a handful of snow and shoved it down the back of his neck.

  ‘Mary, Mother of God.’ Jack leapt a foot into the air. ‘You’ll pay for that, woman.’

  He grabbed a fistful of snow himself and chased her with it, until she slipped and landed on her back. Then he pounced on top of her, a leg on either side of her and dangled the snow inches from her face.

  ‘What do you think, Alice?’ Jack turned to his baby. ‘Shall I do it?’

  Alice clapped her hands together.

  ‘Think of the sisterhood, Alice,’ Kate shrieked. ‘The oppressed sex have to stick together.’

  ‘Oppressed sex my arse-cheeks,’ he said and crumbled the snow gently, letting it fall onto Kate’s delicate features.

  She smiled and flicked a glance at their position. ‘While you’re there …’

  ‘Don’t tempt me, woman.’ He kissed her nose and got up. ‘About this snowman.’

  Half an hour later they had built a beauty and Jack held Alice, helping her wrap an old scarf around his neck.

  ‘What shall we call him, eh?’ asked Jack, wiping the dribble from Alice’s chin. ‘How about Frosty?’

  ‘Blimey,’ said Kate. ‘If ever you get bored of the job, there’s a career for you in writing children’s books.’

  ‘Okay, J. K. Rowling, what do you suggest?’

  Kate stood back to admire their handiwork, stroking her chin in mock concentration.

  ‘Bob.’

  ‘Bob?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘And you say I’m lacking in imagination?’

  Kate was about to answer him back when Alice made a sound that stopped them both in their tracks.

  ‘B … b … b.’

  Jack held his breath. Alice had never made any attempts to speak before.

  ‘B … b … b,’ Alice repeated.

  ‘See,’ said Kate. ‘She thinks Bob is a great name.’

  Jack almost burst into tears. ‘Woman, you are a bloody genius.’ He leaned over and kissed Kate on the mouth. ‘I’ve got to call Lilly and tell her.’

  I watch Jack tell his ex all about the baby’s attempt at speech. The light in his eyes is a cut as deep as bone.

  I don’t know why I want him, but I do. I’ve wanted him from the first second I met him. He barely noticed me at the nick. Maybe that’s what appealed. A far cry from other men who always seem so very keen to please me.

  Whatever the reason, I’m certain that Jack and I should be together.

  He laughs at something the ex is saying and my legs feel bloodless. I’m young and beautiful and toned. Everything the ex isn’t. But still I can’t seem to compete.

  Jack looks over and I smile back at him. I whitened my teeth this morning and they’re as bright as the snow on the ground. He looks away.

  The problem is the baby of course. It’s the glue that keeps Jack attached.

  A single flake of snow lands on the back of my hand. It isn’t cold. I watch it melt against the heat of my skin, then suck up the drop of water left in its place.

  Lilly hung up and punched the air. Alice had spoken. Well, not quite spoken but almost there. Hadn’t she told everyone there was nothing to worry about?

  When the mobile rang again she grabbed it and answered.

  ‘See, Jack, I told you that these bloody doctors don’t know what they’re talking about.’

  ‘Wow.’ The voice was like oozing honey. ‘That’s not the usual impression I try to make.’

  It wasn’t Jack.

  ‘Doctor Piper?’ she said.

  ‘Didn’t we agree that you’d call me Harry?’

  ‘I don’t believe we discussed it.’

  ‘Okay then,’ he said. ‘Miss Valentine, I’d much prefer it if you woul
d call me Harry. Everyone does.’

  ‘Okay, Harry.’

  ‘And what about you?’ he asked. ‘Any preference as to how I address you?’

  ‘Lilly’s fine,’ she said.

  ‘Lilly.’ He let her name hang in the air as if admiring something exotic. ‘Well, Lilly, you left the Grove without telling me what you thought of my patient.’

  ‘Your gatekeeper said you were in an important meeting and couldn’t be disturbed.’

  In fact the nurse had been snotty with Lilly, pointing out, unnecessarily, that Doctor Piper was a very busy man. Lilly had wanted to inform her that she wasn’t exactly a lady of leisure herself, but thought better of it.

  ‘Elaine does like to look after me,’ Harry chuckled, ‘but I would like to pick your brain if you have the time.’

  ‘Pick away.’

  ‘I have to do the rounds in a second,’ he said. ‘How about we have a chat after that?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Over lunch? I don’t know about you but I’m usually famished by one o’clock. I was always the naughty little boy who opened his sandwiches during morning break.’

  Lilly laughed. She’d been on free school meals and had spent her mornings so hungry she’d had to stop herself from eating the desk lid.

  ‘Shall I swing by your office around twelve thirty?’ he asked.

  ‘That would be lovely,’ Lilly replied.

  The answer machine winked and there were over thirty unanswered emails for Lilly to attend to but she didn’t have time for that now. Instead, she set off in search of comb, perfume and lippy.

  With her curls tamed into a vague approximation of real hair, and her throat and wrists dabbed with Chanel No. 5, Lilly felt almost human. Just a slick of mascara and she’d be ready for action. A rummage at the bottom of her bag revealed only a set of broken headphones and a pair of Alice’s socks so she patted herself down and delved into the detritus collected in the nether regions of her pockets. As she pulled out the revolting wad of tissues and biscuits she didn’t find mascara, but she did discover the piece of paper Chloe had forced upon her.

  The thought of where it had been prior to its handover made Lilly shiver and she leaned to the bin and let it fall. But as she turned away, she stopped. Chloe had been so very insistent. There had been something very specific in her actions. Sure, Chloe was an inpatient in a mental facility where unusual behaviour wouldn’t be, well, unusual, but Lilly recognized desperation when she saw it.